Haiku Prompt harp & clear

Haiku Prompt harp & clear

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dwelling on the past

to break patterned behavior

see present clearly

https://ronovanwrites.wordpress.com/2015/10/05/ronovanwrites-weekly-haiku-poetry-prompt-challenge-65-harp-clear/

Haiku Prompt: Think & Free

Haiku Prompt: Think & Free

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thinking that I’m free

let my soul fly unfettered

from thoughts chaining me

Thinking that I’m free let my soul fly unfettered.

Let my soul fly unfettered from thoughts chaining me.

https://ronovanwrites.wordpress.com/2015/07/20/ronovanwrites-weekly-haiku-poetry-prompt-challenge-54-free-think/

Thin Love

Thin Love

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Recently I read about a couple that doesn’t believe in monogamy. A relationship without commitment projected as a choice made by a ‘strong independent’ woman, probably, as an assertion of her strength and independence.

Such relationships, it appears, are built on the foundation of ‘having no expectations’. The people involved feel ‘free’ and ‘unburdened’. The article reported that the rules of such relationships included not being allowed to ‘long for’ or ‘miss’ each other. This freed them from any guilt stemming out of their inability to fulfill the other’s romantic (or other) expectations..

It made me reach out to look up the meaning of the word ‘commitment’. I was surprised at the contradiction the word threw up. ‘Commitment’ means both:

the state or quality of being dedicated to a cause, activity, etc.’; and

an engagement or obligation that restricts freedom of action’.

It is quite interesting to observe that the same word can refer to both ‘dedication’ and ‘obligation’!!

The words ‘love’, ‘relationship’, ‘dedication’, and ‘obligation’ seem to get intertwined quite often.

Obligation enters a relationship, probably, when the love that there was, is now gone. A relationship run on obligation loses steam pretty soon and can’t travel far. The burden of obligation on even the strongest of shoulders, eventually makes them sag and long for newer/easier alternatives.

That is why perhaps, most independent modernists are reluctant to give up their freedom of choice, even when in a relationship. The people involved make a choice, every instance, to be or not to be together. There is zero obligation, coupled with zero dedication.

And love? It’s difficult to fathom where love fits into the ‘no commitment’ model. ‘Love’, it appears, has been snipped and trimmed to fit into the modernist’s closet. “I will love you at all times”, has been appended with, “I will love you at all times, when it’s convenient for me to do so”!!!

Although, I consider myself a modernistic soul, when it comes to love and relationships I still seem to be holding on to the age old diktats of being completely dedicated in love.

To me, a relationship without commitment reeks of selfishness. A non-committed lover defines cowardice and not strength or independence. It often appears that people in non-committal open relationships are just using each other to escape the monotony of routine lives for sometime – till something better comes along. I think that it might work for some – for sometime. But, ultimately relationships of convenience end leaving behind a sour taste in the mouth; and more often than not, at least one broken heart.

A relationship in which a partner is not dedicated to the other one hundred percent is not based on ‘love’ at all. Dig deeper and you will find ‘low self confidence’, ‘fear’, ‘greed’ or ‘egoism’ buried at the foundations.

So even at the risk of being labelled ‘old fashioned’ and ‘soft’, I choose to sum up my feelings for ‘love’ and ‘relationships’ using Ms. Morrison’s words:

Love is or it ain’t. Thin love ain’t love at all.”
― Toni MorrisonBeloved

What I Know Now

What I Know Now

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There are some people who give a lot of thought to any decision they have to make, but once they take the decision they never revisit the decision making process, accepting the consequences of their well thought-over actions, and never looking back. Then there are some other people who never give any thought to decide even the crucial things in life. They are either the happy go lucky types who know that they will manage to sail through life with a smile even if the decisions they made lead to unexpected results. Or else they have an immense faith in a higher power that will take care of them if their decisions let them down.

I seem to belong to a conflicting personality type, who overthink every little decision they have to make, and yet at the first knock of melancholy, jump at our own throats with the gruesome dagger named ‘what if’. I am a great fan of Julian Barne’s quote “Time…give us enough time and our best-supported decisions will seem wobbly, our certainties whimsical”. As I grow older my belief that life is just a random series of events is growing stronger. No matter what we do, the consequences may or may not beget the results we wished for. So, given that I tend to question every little bend my life’s road has taken, there are only a few little experience nuggets that I would like to share with my past self.

I would like to go back and tell myself that information really is the power. So read…read more, not just the stuff you like but also all that you thought was boring and outside your realm of understanding. Only by being better informed will you be able to take better decisions. Endeavour to know more because only by knowing more will you be able to expand your horizons.

I would also tell myself to never be complacent. Being satisfied to the extent of not striving to learn more is what will cause the most number of regrets in the times to come. Feeling settled in a particular phase in life doesn’t mean that you should stop growing. The cosy cushions of comfort zones smother a lot of dreams. Don’t let them be yours. Don’t waste time just existing happily. The feeling wears off sooner than you think. Keep learning. Keep growing your skill set. Keep adding new feathers to your cap as it will be these feathers that will help you fly when circumstances drag you underground.

Further, I would also like to tell myself to never let emotions overpower your intelligence. Since, being sensitive, emotional and a dreamer are inherent to your core, the only way you can get through this life with fewer tears in your coffer is by letting logic override emotions. Whenever in doubt, follow the diktats of logic.

And lastly, I would loudly proclaim to myself that are no happily ever afters. There is nothing that you can obtain that will make the rest of your life ‘happy’. The rest of your life starts from now on. So all you have is now. All you have is today. Making today count is all that you can do and all that really counts. Clichéd and yet true.

There is no rainbow at the end of the road. There is just the road. So…happy journey!